My Scar, My Crush, Some Drainage, $20 Cash & What they all have to do with each other....

MY Scar & My Crush
*************************************************




So yesterday was my officially "post-op" visit
to the surgeon.  That mighty wielder of scalpels,
the gifted guru of thyroids, the amazing Dr.
Sharma. 


It was to RE-hear the good news I already heard
on Monday afternoon.


Fortunately, nothing had changed since Monday,
the tumor is STILL benign.  And it's still gone.


(Wipe away giant bead of sweat from forehead).


I am still good to go.  (Again with the 
halla*freakin'*lujah.)


Dr. Sharma informed me that to make myself a stronger
and more courageous person, he would let ME remove
the steri-strips in the shower this morning.


(Alright, he said no such thing--he just told me
to pull the darn things off today and reveal
what lay underneath, let it get some air and
keep antibiotic ointment on it until Sunday.)


I was nervous.  I was squeamish. I am not a lover
of blood or gore or wounds.  Especially when they
are on my body.


Today, girding up my loins (whatever they are anyway)
I stepped into the shower and let the water do its
magic.


After 5 minutes of soaking and pulling and soaking
and pulling, my neck was free for the first time
in 9 days.


I was afraid to look.


I went to my room (since the bathroom mirror was all
steamed up)and in case I fainted, the bed would be 
close by.  I figured I could somehow rotate my fall
(all while in the midst of a faint) and land on the
bed!  (What was I thinking?)


It seemed like good logic at the time.  I may have
some Lortab or general anesthesia left in my brain
cells, somehow distorting my thinking abilities.


I looked and immediately fell in love.


With my Doctor, or rather, with my Doctors hands.


Seriously people!  


The first thing I did was call Kyle and ask 
his permission to have a crush on 
the surgeon for 24 hours. (The guys hands at least).


Kyle gave his OK.  I exclaimed that the scar looked
THAT GOOD!!  (Don't get me wrong, there is something
there--but it looks easily 1000 times better *AND
ONLY 9 DAYS OUT* than I EVER would have imagined.)


In 6 months, I'm pretty sure people will be signing
me up to be a neck model.


Well, maybe not, but I'll be ready if they do!


So there, in a nutshell, is the story of my crush and
my scar.  I wish I knew 10 people I could refer to the
good Doctor JUST so we could all drool over 
how great our scars looked when he was done with us.


But alas, for now, I drool alone.




**************************************


My Drainage
**************************************


For some strange reason, though not so strange to me,
EVERYTHING is making me cry.


For TWO SOLID months, through dying and death, and 
possible cancer scares and ultrasounds, biopsies,
Dr. visits and surgeries, I have pushed and plowed
onward.


The fewest of tears were shed.  I felt like I was 
holding EVERYTHING inside....that is, until Monday.


And then after hearing the news, it's like a faucet
has been turned on somewhere deep inside my soul
(understandable of course) and I am draining.


Every ounce of every heart ache, sadness, worry, 
fear and angst is coming out through my eyes (and nose).


I watched movies and cried.  Action, adventure,
Indiana Jones type of movies.  Yup, and cried.


I saw commercials, simple TV ads, again with the
tears.


My kids fought, I cried.


My kids wanted to go on vacation.  I cried.


They wanted to stay home.  I cried.


It snowed.  Lots of tears.  (Come to think of it
THOSE tears may be because of the actual snow
and nothing else at all).


I read a book...and well, cried.


People brought more dinners, and I, of course,
cried.


I told my husband about my crying and cried some
more because I was already crying.


I took a shower and cried.


I sat on the toilet (with no intention of using
it whatsoever-lid down, clothes on) 
and cried some more.


Body shaking, soul wrenching, tear drenching sobs.


So I am give you fair warning, IF you see me
and I start with the tears, please don't be offended.


Just hand me a kleenex and give me a knowing look.


You've done nothing wrong.


My body is just expelling A LOT of pent up emotion.


Two months is a long time to "be strong".


Draining...it feels good.  Really, really good.


*********************************************


$20 Cash
********************************************


After being given the "go ahead" to resume my life
yesterday (man does it feel good to leave my house,
and drive and run errands--oh the little things!)


I went ahead and ran 2 hours of errands today.


I got more than a few stares at my scar (that I
am certain looks super fabulous, but it could
be a little freaky for other people who don't
quite understand the magic of Dr. Sharma and what
I've been through).


What do they know anyway?  I look fabulous!


I called Kyle and told him I am paying ANYONE
who dares ask (none of you or your relatives count)
what it is, or why I have it.


Everyone would look/stare/gawk and then look away
quickly when I met their eyes.


I thought I would be embarrassed have people looking,
instead I am actually HIGHLY amused!


The checker at Costco was the best, she kept scanning,
then looking, scanning, taking another peek, scanning,
look, scan, look.  I just stood there trying not
to convulse into a full body laugh.



So the first person to not only stare, but to ask,
gets the $20!  (Sam Johnson you don't count if
you're reading this!)


And that, my friends, is the update on my life 
for today!


A Scar, A Crush, Some Draining and a $20 Cash Prize.

GREAT NEWS!!!!!!

Here's the advantage of having 
your husband work in a Dr's
office (although it COULD go 
both ways!)


My pathology report gets sent 
to THEM (my primary care
Doc) TODAY....


The fabulous Dr Amy Banks 
(my PCP) called to tell me
good news (and I quote) 
"So you can QUIT worrying
2 days sooner....".


IT's BENIGN!  


IT's BENIGN!!!  


IT IS 
BENIGN!!!!!!!






I had a"follicular thyroid adenoma" which is a benign tumor of the thyroid gland.


The golf ball is GONE!!!  I can recover and heal and move on with my life!


THANK YOU EVERYONE who held my hand, literally and figuratively
throughout this latest adventure in my life.




As I said before,


I am a very rich woman indeed!


SO blessed to be surrounded by the love of so many good souls.


Now I'm going to go sit in a corner and cry 1000 tears of joy and relief!

my neck...

...itches today.


that is all.


carry on.

post thyroid surgery day 5

Anyone who wants to skip this maudlin post,
please do so.


I am typing out emotions therapeutically and also
for anyone else out there on the world wide
web who may be looking....as I was looking...
for personal stories prior to my surgery.


Personal stories were few and far between, 
and I desperately wanted something to gauge my
experience by.


Even though each of us has our OWN experiences,
it's nice to base our "expectations" on something.


Today is Day 5 post thyroid surgery and for 
some reason it seems to be the day ALL my emotions
are hitting me.


It may have something to do with my fathers death,
3 short weeks ago.


It may have something to do with the fact that I feel
like I was running towards a cliff and barely
had time to plug my nose, take a deep breath and
hold it, and then dive headlong into the waves 
crashing below me without stopping to think
about what I was doing.


I am pretty much and "stop and think about it"
kind of gal...so this headlong rushing is new
to me.


Now that I have had time to sit and sit (and sit
some more) the waves of emotion are coming at me
fast and furious.


Today, they feel a little overwhelming to me.


I feel a little tender.


I am waiting with nervous anticipation for results
from my biopsy, my breath catches in my throat 
and my eyes (re)fill with tears at the thought of
pressing "rewind" and "repeat" all over again.


I emotionally cannot (cannot!) cross that bridge
until I have to (or don't have to).


(Don't have to! Don't have to! Don't have to!)


I am ready to find out once and for all the news
about my health.  


Waiting sucks.   Yup it does.  Big Time.


I am down to Ibuprofen for pain.  Throughout 
the WHOLE process the pain has been VERY 
manageable.  I was worried about that, and am
relieved to report that it was NEVER
more than I could manage. (Except for that
one night, 2 a.m., less than 48 hours out).


Pain meds, and the ice pack they sent home from
the hospital with, were my constant companion for 3 
straight days.  The ice pack was GREAT!


Swelling seemed to peak at Day 2 and has gone
down everyday since then.  Although my neck still
is not back to normal size, it is much more within 
the "normal" range.  I can do that!


Sleeping at night is uncomfortable, I have a crink
in my neck from only being able to lay in one 
position.


Did I mention that after they cut you open they
pull aside all your neck muscles? (the ones used
for laughing, talking, holding up and turning your
head, coughing, sneezing, yawing, swallowing, 
moving side to side...well, you get the picture).


Well, those muscles are pretty sore today.


I can't look at my toes, or at the ceiling. or
to my left or to my right.  


So if any of my kids want to give me the bird--now
would be a good time to stand slightly to the left
or right of my peripheral vision and do so.


You're home free!


I feel a pulling on the inside of my neck 
(from the things that were cut out and 
then sewn up again) that is not so much painful, 
but more uncomfortable.


If I were NOT me, I would be grossed out by the
blood covered bandage stuck to the incision line
across my neck.


People keep saying "it's not 'that' bad"...seriously
people?  I am pretty sure that code for "it looks
pretty bad, but lets not tell her!"


Maybe not.  


Because of the general anesthesia, my sense of
taste and smell are shot at the moment.  Not
sure when returns...soon I hope.  


I keep cracking open cans of Dt Dr Pepper only to
put them down again after a sip.  They just taste
too gross.  (I never thought I would say that!)


Maybe this will be the reason I need to give up
the hard stuff.  (wink wink).


The last frustration I have is not being 
able to participate in my own life, and 
my children's lives.


I know that this is a temporary pit stop and things
will be back to "normal" in a week or two (or month
or two) or whenever normal happens.


It is just hard to sit and pause.


I thought I would be better at pausing, but I'm
not.  I definitely like "motion" better than "pause".


The two things I know are that:


1. Waiting sucks.
2. Pausing sucks.


(Are they the same thing?)


But the other thing I know, from past experiences,
is that "this too shall pass" ...halla*freakin*lujah!


(And can we get an AMEN?!)


I guess it's time to go back to my bed, I've been
sitting and typing long enough and well, my neck
hurts.


Maybe I'll go unpause that movie in the DVD
player.  


At least something will be moving forward then.









  

advice

When the time comes to remove the gauze

covering your neck incision...let your husband

do the honors... 

...And even when it sticks at one point (and

you let out one really loud curse word),

let him keep pulling. 

There is a reason someone invented husbands.

(Who think wounds and blood and puss are

really cool.)

As opposed to wives (mostly me) who like to

faint at the first sign of blood. 

When you think that 48 hours is enough time

on pain meds post surgery...

...and you wake up at 2:05 a.m. whimpering in

pain, just know it's OK to go back on the "good

stuff" for one more dose.

There is a reason someone invented Lortab.

When someone shows up with food for dinner, or

to take your daughter to dance or calls to run

an errand for you...

...know that it's OK to say "Yes" and "Thank You"

and "Someday I'll surely be able to pay you back."

There's a reason someone invented good friends

(who are more like family), and neighbors and sisters.

Let them serve you for a minute.

When you can finally (rejoice!) shower and wash

your hair for the first time in 4 days...

...do so gently.  Make sure you do not look at

said neck wound BEFORE entering shower and pat

dry slowly after exiting.  (That sucker hurts.)

There is a reason someone invented shampoo, and

soap and steri-strips.  Let them do their job.

When your husband says (very nicely--and not in a

male chauvinistic way at all) that he hopes

you get back to 100% soon so you can "do your part"

again...

...Smile and be grateful he's doing your part

for you, while juggling 1001 other things and not

complaining.

Smile and be grateful he realizes how much MOMS

do everyday 

...and Smile because soon enough YOU WILL BE 

back up to 100% again.

And never has that sounded so very good.

 

surgery highlights

1.  Urine analysis ("Why?" I asked)
To make sure you're not pregnant they answered.
We had a good laugh.


2.  Xanax is NOT strong enough to calm
your nerves on surgery day.  Although
it did keep my blood pressure in the
"normal range" which is a plus.


3. The only "breakdown" I had was in the O.R.
when they started strapping my arms down (in
case I involuntarily wanted to stop them from
slicing into my neck once I went under).  
I had a little tear (or two). 
The sweet nurse held my hand,
the anaesthesiologist knocked me out and I
have no memory of them strapping down
my other arm or cutting into my neck.


THANK GOODNESS!  (I did mention to Kyle that
20/20 show they aired last year where the lady
was "awake" during her whole surgery....WHY OH
WHY? do they do those shows?)


4.  Waking up in recovery, alive! and sick
as a dog.  Apparently anaesthesia causes
me great nausea.  Even TWO kinds of anti-
nausea drugs didn't help.  Scalpel to neck
plus throwing up = a painful combo.


Thankfully it passed.


5.  Being done!  Nothing better than knowing
I had made it through and was still alive.
Am I the only one to have that irrational fear?
Of dying on the table?  4 kids will do that
to you.




I am pretty sore and tired (mostly just sore),
on some good drugs, my neck is pretty ugly and
swollen, but that too will pass. (HOPEFULLY!
sooner than later).


I am in pain, but not as much as I thought I 
would be in (don't get me wrong, I hurt--just
not excruciatingly bad).


On the lookout for some cute scarves to cover
this mess.  


Today I "get to" remove the gauze covering and
take it right down to the cut on my neck...I think
I may pass out.


Kyle is on duty for that one.


That is my post-op update for now.  


One right thyroid lobectomy done for now!


I have some Sharpie lines running across my throat
and a triple chin from swelling...but am counting
my blessing for a great surgeon who has gifted
hands.


Two thumbs up for all the staff that helped me
at LDS Hospital as well.  My stay from start
to finish was complimented with EXCEPTIONAL
customer service.


Off to lay in my bed with my new BFF (the Ice
Pack).


Thanks (again) for all the texts, calls, well
wishes, food, love, support, movies, food, books,
did I mention food?


It means a lot!  (Especially to my children who
like to eat.)


Hugs and Kisses,


Sincerely,
Mrs. Frankenstein 

meet the newest man in my life...

Say "HELLO" to the Dr. Sharma.  ENT extraordinaire, 
specializing in the cutting open of people's necks
(otherwise referred to as a "surgeon") and then
sewing them back up again. 




He may look like he is too young to hold down a
job as important as this one (I am guessing he 
comes from good genes) but I can assure you that 
he is old enough to hold, and wield, a mighty scalpel. 



He has a thing for thyroids.  He likes people's
necks, but in a not so "vampire-y" way.  He
prefers the use of knives (scalpels) to his teeth
and then is also very considerate--as he 
sews his victims (aka PATIENTS) back up again. 
Or possibly he tapes us back up again, 
I hear surgeons are big on sticky tape 
these days--less scaring. 



I plan on letting you know for sure one way
or the another.




Unfortunately, or fortunately for me, he is really
good at what he does and I have a date with him
tomorrow.  As much as I begged, whined and pleaded
to let him cut open someone else's neck--it seems like
mine was the one he was after.




Now, before anyone gets jealous (especially Kyle, 
who has met him I must add) of his dark good looks, 
and his vast knowledge of medical words...




...words like "thyroidectomy", "parathyroidectomy", and
"parathyroid".  (Say THOSE three times fast--
I double dog dare you!)


Because who doesn't want a man that say "thyroidectomy"
to you all night long?


Let me tell you a little bit about how I came to 
know this good man.




It's a long-ish story that I will condense for the sake
of time.  


A few months back (yes-while my father was in the 
process of dying)  I found a golf ball in my neck.


Not literally, of course, but there it was none the less.


Some people have frogs in their throats, not me--I am
a good old fashioned "golf ball" kinda gal.




It makes life more interesting.




After ultrasounds, biopsies, blood work, more
blood work and more doctor visits (at $50 a pop 
I might add) than a girl wants to step on 
a scale for...I was handed over to this good mans
office.


Results from all proceeding tests were "inconclusive".
(meaning no one knows what the heck is wrong with me
for sure but it could be cancer-as much as I hate typing 
that out-and I REALLY need to know!)


So the final option, behind door number 3, is to have
the golf ball (aka "tumor" or "nodule") removed.


To test the tumor conclusively, once and for all, 
and then go from there.


(Option One: benign golf ball...celebrate and
recover while sipping Pina Coladas on the beach.
Tell people I was involved in a gang and got into
some wicked knife fights.  Flash scar on neck
accordingly.  See shocked looks on faces.


Option Two: the "C" word--immediately back into
surgery, removal of other half of thyroid, and
any lymph nodes it may or may not have spread to.
Have nervous break down.  Lift self up, brush
self off and keep putting one foot in front 
of the other.


Praying mightily for Option One.  
Test results available 8 days after surgery.)




Surgery involves a short hospital stay, and a really
cool scar that will look like something out of a
Frankenstein movie.  




I am still not sure how I feel about looking
like a female version of Frankenstein...
too bad it's not closer to Halloween.




Some people get great new boobs, Me? I just go for
really ugly scars on my neck.  Awesome!




It's something I've kept on the "down low" for a long
while, but at this point (that really cool scar and
all) it's something I can't hide anymore.




So tomorrow, under the care of this good Doctor,
I will be having one half of my thyroid removed--
along with said golf ball that is growing inside
of said thyroid.




He told me he is "the guy" for this
in Utah.  The average surgeon nationally does about
50 of these a year.  The amazing Dr. Sharma
does between 400 and 500.  He REALLY knows his
stuff.




I am grateful that my neck will be in his hands.




If you are inclined to prayer,  I am a firm
believer in it.  I would take any offered up in my 
behalf to the Big Guy at this point.




Sometimes life throws you a curve ball (or two
or three all in the same week, month or year.)
but I want you to know, that I know that life is
still good.




People are good.  And as hard and scary as this is
for me, I (once again) have been amazed and humbled
and overwhelmed at the love and help and support
that others have offered me during this time.




People who just step in and do what I can't.
Surrogate mothers who will help with my children.
People who will (once again) make my counters
over-flow with good things to eat.  Prayers
offered in my behalf.  Phone calls, texts and
well wishes.  They bring a lump to my throat.




Well, ANOTHER lump to my throat.  This one is
a much better lump than the one that is already
there.




I am so blessed to have people in my life that 
lift and carry me when the going gets hard.




I feel like a very rich woman indeed.




Very rich, indeed.