healing

Because of recent events in my life...

Namely the death of my father and the surgery

on my neck/thyroid tumor...

...the subject of "healing" has been on my mind.

As Easter came and went, it brought more thoughts 
to my already full mind.

Full to over-flowing.  Spilling outward.
Hard to contain.  Some days manifesting as tears.
Other days, a quiet struggle in my mind.

Thoughts of a Savior who died that I might live,
came unbidden to my mind.


That I might live, in more ways than just one.

Thoughts of a love so great that I might be given

the strength to heal when the capacity is not

within my soul to do so alone.

Thoughts of a healing so complete that it encompasses

more than just my body and soul.

Healing.

It has been amazing to me as I've watched my bloodied

and surgically altered neck wound heal.

It went from being held together with steri-strips

and gauze pads to a faint thin scar line that brushes

across my neck.  A quiet mark that is more than

a whisper, but something much less than a scream.

It makes me a little queasy to look at it up 

close and touch the scar tissue that lays underneath,

but it has drawn me in curiously every day to take

a closer peek and watch how it has changed.

Our bodies are AMAZING things.  

It amazes me that they can be altered, cut up, cut

open, sewn back together again and heal.

As if, almost, nothing had ever happened.


I have had friends look and touch and marvel.


As have I.


I have had some tell me that I should cover
and hide and conceal.


This line of thinking has made me pause.


At first, I thought this is how I would feel too.
That I would be self-conscious and prone to
hide.


As the weeks have passed, I am inclined to bear
the scar proudly, and out in the open. It is a 
visible reminder to me of coming through to the
other side. Passing through something that was
hard, and scary, and difficult, at the time
of crossing through.


I like being reminded that challenges can be
overcome.  That we can find the strength within
ourselves to keep going forward. 


If we dig deeply, as we sometimes do.


I like the constant reminder, to myself, that
we can heal and defeat even the
most seemingly challenging trials that may
come our way.

Time is on my side, and everyday the scar looks

a little better.  In a year, I am told I will

REALLY have to look hard to see the incision line.

Death, loss, another kind of scar, or wound, that

I must heal from.

This pain is different, although in some ways 

just the same.

The scar is not visible, but the wound cuts just

as deeply.  Leaving a deep gash on the inside.
One that is not so easy to see. Yet one that
must be healed as well.

It will take time to heal from this bruise to 

my soul. My heart.  My mind.


It's amazing how at times just the littlest things
can cause this wound to bleed and seep.

Healing.

I believe that healing encompasses all the aspects

that surround the very core of who we are as people.

Emotional.

Spiritual.

Mental.

Physical.

Each of these play together, come together, to make

our souls whole.

Each of them must heal for the scars to become thin

faint white lines that splash across...

...Across our bodies, our hearts, our minds and our

souls.

As I search deeply within my being, and marvel at the

ability that we have been blessed with to heal, I

find great comfort.

I look at life through new eyes.

I have gained a new perspective on the future.

The past can shape us, scar us, hurt us, cause us

pain and grief, anguish and heartache, real physical

hurt.  Real physical scarring, both inside and out.

The beauty of this, I believe, is ALSO a gift to us.

Through these things, out of the deepest of heart aches,

we can find the greatest of joys.

Sometimes, oft times, the journey is unbearably painful

and hard...but if...

...If, we can make it to the other side, the joy of

healing, of hearts and bodies made whole again, is

infinitely worth the pain of any journey we must 

travel.

And for those times when we cannot quite do it alone,


heal,


Our brother, and Savior, then steps in for us to 
complete the healing process that we cannot manage
on our own.


Alone.


But together with Him, He can...


...take away the bruise that can make our very
souls ache.


He can take away the bitter,
 and replace it with the sweet.

He can take away the sorry,
 and fill us with joy.


He can heal what we cannot.


He can make up the differences where we fall short.


I am grateful for the scars I proudly bear, both
interior and exterior wounds, that have left me
less than perfect.  This is what makes me human 
and loving and compassionate and caring.  
It gives me eyes to "see" what I could not "see" before.


It gives me heart to "feel" what I could not
"feel" before.


I am grateful for the scars that have shaped 
both my body and soul, and have helped me to 
become who I am.


I am grateful for the bridges I have crossed, the
paths I have traveled, the journeys that have 
have been made.


I am grateful that our bodies have been given 
the ability to heal.  I marvel often at this gift.
And find deep gratitude for it.  


For it gives me hope on days when the crossing
still seems painful, or the tears flow freely, or
my questions have no answers.


So in hope and healing, both inside and out, I marvel
and find the strength in my own journey to continue...


...onward.


Proudly, humbly, quietly, finding solace and comfort
in scars, both healing and unhealed.