Who doesn't love a cute, little furry squirrel? With those beady brown eyes and long black whiskers, gathering nuts in its cute little paws for the winter. The sight of one just makes me say "AW!" (please note, that while you cannot hear voice tone on my blog, that last sentenece should be heard in "dripping with sarcasm" voice, K?)
Last year, while walking home from school, the girls discovered a dead squirrel on the road. He was laying flat and squashed and mangled. One of these lil' guys (as in squirrels) had met his match with a car. For days he lay there decomposing, with varies parts of his INSIDES hanging OUTSIDE of his body. Each day the girls would walk past and instead of saying "AW!", they would say "EWWWWWW!" (in really high pitched, screaming girl voices) As you can imagine, the plight of the squirrel became worse and worse each day. The elements (wind, rain, sun, snow, hail--certainly living in Utah we see all of those in the space of a few days, right?) were really taking a toll on his ravaged body. (Well, maybe the bigger "toll" on his body was coming from elementary aged school boys prodding his lifeless bodies with sticks). Poor little fella!
So, in his final days here on earth (although dead, his body had decided to "stick around" for a few extra days) that squirrel met his match with a stick. The temptation was just TOO MUCH for one boy and his stick. He decided to shishkabob one of the internal organs on the end of his stick. (I cannot repeat which organ, it still brings a lump of nausea to my throat to this day...) Needless to say, as he chased my girls down the road with this piece of flesh waving on the end of his stick it sent them into FULL "girl mode". They arrived home hoarse (from screaming), breathless (from running) and hungry (from expending all that energy). As luck would have it ARBY's was having its usual 5 for $5 deal. They were begging for a bite. As any good mother would do, I obliged. (can you see where this his heading yet?)
When i returned home, I set the scrumptious meal (once again, insert sarcasm) upon the table and we sat down to unwrap our ARBY's burgers....
Only as we upwrapped them and set them on the beautiful foil wrappers they come in, we ALL had the same thought...
SQUIRREL BURGERS....
the meat was the same shade as that poor dead animal had been, and the "organ on a stick" (sorta like "hot dog on a stick") was still fresh in our minds. All those days in the wind and sun had warped our brains, oh no wait! it was the squirrel brains that had been warped.
It seems, in the end, that none of us are able to consume ARBY's burgers anymore (good riddence I say, those things are nasty!) For in the end, we always see a squirrel peering out at us from underneath the buns.
BURGERS ANYONE???
4 comments:
LOL! We can't eat at Arby's anymore either! One night about 11 years ago they served Brandon a RAW chicken sandwich. It was crunchy on the outside but raw JELLY on the inside. One bite and it was dry heave city. I had just convinced him it was okay to eat something other than ground beef too. :( It took about a year to get him to come around to chicken again.
ACK! that sounds way worse than imagining squirrel! LOL
"Squirrels" are made of greasy grimy gopher guts, chopped up monkey meat, da da da da (forgot the words) birdy feet - french fried eyeballs fried in a frying pan - what do you think of that.....squirrel went splat.
We had coupons and Arby's for lunch yesterday. hmmm
I feel completely nauseous right now!! We have a saying in our family "Just say no to Arby's". Now for something more important.......please tell me that was not Ezra that chased the girls. It does sound like something he would do.
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