Thursday, February 26, 2009

squirrel burgers....A word to the wise: if you love ARBY's quit reading!

Who doesn't love a cute, little furry squirrel? With those beady brown eyes and long black whiskers, gathering nuts in its cute little paws for the winter. The sight of one just makes me say "AW!" (please note, that while you cannot hear voice tone on my blog, that last sentenece should be heard in "dripping with sarcasm" voice, K?)

Last year, while walking home from school, the girls discovered a dead squirrel on the road. He was laying flat and squashed and mangled. One of these lil' guys (as in squirrels) had met his match with a car. For days he lay there decomposing, with varies parts of his INSIDES hanging OUTSIDE of his body. Each day the girls would walk past and instead of saying "AW!", they would say "EWWWWWW!" (in really high pitched, screaming girl voices) As you can imagine, the plight of the squirrel became worse and worse each day. The elements (wind, rain, sun, snow, hail--certainly living in Utah we see all of those in the space of a few days, right?) were really taking a toll on his ravaged body. (Well, maybe the bigger "toll" on his body was coming from elementary aged school boys prodding his lifeless bodies with sticks). Poor little fella!

So, in his final days here on earth (although dead, his body had decided to "stick around" for a few extra days) that squirrel met his match with a stick. The temptation was just TOO MUCH for one boy and his stick. He decided to shishkabob one of the internal organs on the end of his stick. (I cannot repeat which organ, it still brings a lump of nausea to my throat to this day...) Needless to say, as he chased my girls down the road with this piece of flesh waving on the end of his stick it sent them into FULL "girl mode". They arrived home hoarse (from screaming), breathless (from running) and hungry (from expending all that energy). As luck would have it ARBY's was having its usual 5 for $5 deal. They were begging for a bite. As any good mother would do, I obliged. (can you see where this his heading yet?)

When i returned home, I set the scrumptious meal (once again, insert sarcasm) upon the table and we sat down to unwrap our ARBY's burgers....

Only as we upwrapped them and set them on the beautiful foil wrappers they come in, we ALL had the same thought...


the meat was the same shade as that poor dead animal had been, and the "organ on a stick" (sorta like "hot dog on a stick") was still fresh in our minds. All those days in the wind and sun had warped our brains, oh no wait! it was the squirrel brains that had been warped.

It seems, in the end, that none of us are able to consume ARBY's burgers anymore (good riddence I say, those things are nasty!) For in the end, we always see a squirrel peering out at us from underneath the buns.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

bad day...

You know that jaunty little tune by Daniel Powter? well, this is post NOT about that tune....

The other day Lizzie was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (as in an "Alexander" kind of day--- like a day from the book of the very same name).

She was barricaded in her bedroom, and on something like her 123rd time out of the day (who LIZZIE? i know, you are all shocked).

I was feeling awful, but SHE was feeling worse.

Anyway, i see Olivia sneaking through the house with a sheet of paper behind her back. With the stealth of Nancy Drew, she approached the shut bedroom door and slid the paper under the bottom crack.

A while later, after Lizzie had sufficiently repented of all her misdeeds and apologized to any she had offended, i went into the bedroom to see what the paper said.

THAT was it (see above for actual picture of said paper). Now YOU tell ME...WHO could continue having a bad day after having THAT slipped under your door? Certainly not me! It now hangs in a place of honor on the refridgerator to remind me of LOTS of things. Most of all to remind me NOT to have a bad day!

on a side note: olivia's little playgroup met once again yesterday at the Nielson home for a smashing good time. Only this week it did not go so well. Mia had a ear-ache and wanted to go home. She was in tears and had me call her mom. While we were waiting for Trish to arrive, we gathered up her backpack, coats, boots and had it all ready. In the process a little green (or was it blue?) ball rolled out of her backpack. You know the kind of soft, squishy ball you squeeze when you're having a bad, or stressful, day? I picked it up and said "what is this?"

Carter responded, "that is Mia's 'happy ball'!" Apparently you can squeeze the ball and it will make you happy! (i need one in EVERY ROOM!) Mia picked up the ball with a very forlorn look on her face and gave it a half-hearted squeeze. We all looked at her expectantly...did it work?

she huffed and stuffed the ball in her backpack and said "well it is NOT working today!"

bless her heart...i hope it is today!

we hope YOUR day is a good day, not a bad day and we hope YOUR happy ball is working! :O)

Friday, February 13, 2009

Mr. Darcy (sigh), McFlurries and Valentines Day...

who doesn't LOVE a good Jane Austen book or movie? (and if you don't, then shame on you!) Dreamy Mr. Darcy, all brooding and dashing in his tight, yet fashionable, turn of the century pants. His British accent, his dark, glaring looks at the lovely, yet fiesty, Miss Elizabeth Bennett (who is trying her DARNDEST to ignore and loathe the poor man). In the end, we all know how it turns out....she falls head over heels in love with Mr. Darcy (and GEESH! who wouldn't....i do every time i watch the movie (sorry honey!) and i have watched it a LOT!)

there is no one more romantic then Mr. Darcy... if only ALL men were like unto Mr. Darcy--but alas (my one Austen word for the day--most certainly not even authentic Austen!) not many men are...i certainly know my hubby could take a few lessons from him, the honorable, dashing Mr. Darcy!

HOWEVER, in his defense (my husbands, not Mr. Darcy's) i do NOT love Valentines Day. i'm sorry, it probably makes me a looser in the biggest degree! it is JUST too commercialized and phoney...come on! if you love someone, show it! not just one day of the year, but everyday! and although my husband is NOT Mr. Darcy in the area of "romancing the girl", he DOES show he loves me the other 364 days of the year. It is done in other "NON Darcy-ish" kinds of ways. (he does dishes, laundry and bathrooms doesn't get much better than that--does it? WELL, a trip to Hawaii would rank VERY HIGH on my list--right up there with bathrooms! but i am sure Hawaii is over-rated...someone tell me it is!)

so in light of all that has been said about Mr. Darcy (and i could go on...and on...and on...) and Valentines Day (and how i feel about the holiday in general) doesn't mean that NOTHING should be done to celebrate or NOT celebrate the day!
while i was watching 30ROCK last night on TV--i was struck with sudden inspiration on how this holiday should be celebrated!!! (thanks to Jack and his new gal pal ...they nailed Valentines Day right on the head for me.... )

McFlurries at McDonalds....(if you missed it--check it out on

and again in light of the current economy, my husband and i will be splitting a McFlurry (come on! that's romantic, right? same spoon, shared saliva!). so if anyone wants to join us, if you feel so inclined to share a McFlurry with YOUR spouse....just let us know! You are welcome to come!
i think this will be our new tradition.

McFlurries for Valentines Day from now on!

it just doesn't get any better than that!

SO move over Mr. Darcy...Ronald McDonald will be taking your place from now on!
(and so, until tomorrow night, i think i will go turn on a good movie...maybe something Jane Austen?)

Monday, February 9, 2009

death and taxes....

they say that those 2 things are certain in life....and while i will agree with #1 and #2 on that much beloved list, i would like to add one more.

#3. winter does not end in Utah until sometime in May.

you can always count of some freak storm (including snow) well into what should be spring.

sure, the weather tempts us and teases us and lulls us into a false sense of security and a belief that spring is right around the corner.

THEN BAM! we wake up to another morning of cold and snow.

Honest to goodness, i need to move somewhere warm...from November to May.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

these shoes were made for walking...

or not?
we promised exciting things with duct tape in 2009, and we are never
one to break a promise in our house. be prepared to be amazed!
be prepared to be stunned! or better yet, just be prepared....
here is what Grace made (and actually wore to school) yesterday.
and when i say WORE, i mean it. i am a REALLY mean mom, and
i MAKE me kids walk to school pretty much everyday. she wanted to give
the shoes a try and said they were actually very comfortable.
maybe i will sell them on ebay...they are definately one of a kind!
if anyone wants a pair, i am sure she can work out something in YOUR
size and color, just give her a jingle~

p.s. these pictures were taken AFTER walking to and from school, playing
outside at recess (x2) and lunch and hanging out w/friends after school.
who knows, maybe a new fashion trend has begun?
they are certainly DURABLE, if nothing else~

Sunday, February 1, 2009

other perspectives....on the elevator incident

Josh: of course grace got stuck in an elevator, if anyone would get stuck, it would be grace!

Eliza & Olivia: grace was stuck in an elevator?

Kyle: why didn't anyone call me at work?
i like to work with tools, i could've gotten them out 45 minutes faster!

From Inside the Elevator.... Grace's story

Grace here, now you know MOM'S side of the story of our little "elevator inncident," as i keep calling it anyway, but here's what happened on the INSIDE of the elevator!

Ginger (a YW leader) had just dropped us (me and Jada) off at the ward building, i saw Andie and Ellie inside the elevator, they beckoned me over and i hopped in the elevator, pulling Jada in with me. As the elevator slowly moved down to the floor below, we thought it would be fun to JUMP! so on the count of three, we all jumped really hard, we heard a clank, and the elevator stopped, at first we figured the elevator was at the next floor and waited for the doors to open, when they didnt we started to panic slightly. we yelled for Ali (who was out in the hall playing with the soccer ball) she came to the doors of the elevator and started yelling at us, telling us to press the "OPEN DOOR" button, well are we that stupid? we had already pressed all the buttons, except for the Alarm button. Ali went and got Lisa, and now Lisa was trying to tell us what to do , yelling instructions through the doors, still nothing.
none of us really knew what to do, andie was in a frenzy of tears, thinking we would not get out, and ellie and i kept pressing buttons in a panic, finally after at least ten minutes of confused panic, we calmed down and sat on the floor of the elevator. We did say a prayer hoping to get out, and then we told each other about our day, (long details, of every thing we did), we played Down by The Banks, and sat quietly, hoping we would get out soon, we heard muffled voices outside and tried to hear what they were saying, Ellie called up to Lisa wondering what was going on, Lisa said that they had a tool and were trying to get us out. on the other side of the small elevator we heard loud thumping and hitting noises, we were completly oblivious to the outside world, the lights flickered on and off every once and a while, we heard rumbling below us, and finally we heard a big "SHWONK!" and a man called out "i got the first door open!"
within a few more minutes we heard more noises and the door opened! WE WERE FREE!
about 5 or 6 frazzled men had broken the doors open. i ran out and hugged Amy (my AWESOME YW leader!) and mom. (mom here--notice the LEADER got a hug bofore ME?)
We went and played our wardball game (apparently the "game still goes on" even when half your team is stuck in an elevator) the game was nearly over and we got to play the last few minutes (except Jada who had burst into tears as soon as we got out):(
We lost 44-6.... :( oh well.
but were all well now, and safe n' sound.

stuck....and we mean it!

amid the rushing of the "48" hours post, if you read all the details, you will notice something about Grace being STUCK in an elevator.
well, she was.
as i was casually entering the "EAST" ward building with Josh and the remaining children that belonged to me on Wedenesday night (after watching Josh finish up HIS ward ball game), i noticed a rather large cluster of people gathered around an elevator. THE elevator.
i had a few thoughts...
#1 thought was "wow! i didn't know there was an elevator here."
#2 thought "hmmm, wonder why all those mom's are THERE, instead of watching the girls play basketball." WHICH POINT i was grabbed by the girls Young Womens leader, cute (j.jill model) Amy Jeffries
The conversation went something like this....please don't quote me exactly, i have memory issues.
Amy: "they are stuck in the elevator!"
me: "they who?"
Amy: "Grace, Andie, Ellie and Jada"
me: "giggle giggle" (i always seem to giggle at the most inappropriate moments.)
the rest is a sort of a blur...that went something like THIS: (retold in the world's longest run on sentence!)
i remember Hank Holt yelling down to the girls through the doors "it's OK, it will be OK ellie". A member of the Stake Presidency was on the phone getting emergency instructions on how to "unstick" the elevator, a few men were reading "how to" manuals on elevators, mom's were milling, Josh thought it was hilarious his sister was STUCK, i seemed to keep giggling (in my defense, it is a mechanism which keeps me sane in stressful situations) Amy and Jill were trying to find a way to work the experience into a teaching moment for upcoming Young Womens lessons, we could hear the girls singing and talking in the elevator, they seemed to have no food, but enough air to sustain life indefinately, we all silently worried about what would happen if there were any bathroom emergencies, and Josh kept expressing the desire that they remain STUCK overnight. (ah the love of a big brother!). the whole thing sort of reminded me of all those "how many Relief Society sisters does it take to screw in a light bulb" jokes, which i think i mentioned to someone at some point--and received a few blank stares. (why am i ONLY funny to myself??)
End of story...they all got out, after ONE HOUR, all the girls seemed to have all their body parts still attatched and we sent them off to finish their ward ball game (which, by the way, HAD NOT been delayed for this emergency situation--the game MUST go on, i suppose!)
the game ended with a dismal score of 44 to 6 (yup, we lost).
lessons learned:
#1. when playing in the elevators at the ward house--do not enter with 4 girls intent on "jumping"--it can, and in this case WILL, cause the elevator to become STUCK.
#2. keep singing in times of stress.
#3. never count on your big brother to rescue you from an elevator.
#4. forgive your mother if she giggles under stress.