infertility, unemployement and hope.

i KNOW you want to know what ANY of those things have to do with each other.


but they do, they do! Read on, I promise you they do!


Last week, my hope faltered. It diminished. It downright fell off of a cliff.


Here's the 'nitty gritty' of it (say that in your BEST Jack Black "Nacho Libre" voice....and if you have not seen the movie and are feeling like something silly, go rent it!)


for EVERY job that my husband applies for there are probably 500 (or MORE) qualified people applying for the same job. He has a college degree and 20 years of business experience. He has had a few interviews, and a few offers. All with salaries LESS than he made when we were first married. Jobs we have had to turn down as they would not even pay our mortgage every month. We figure jobs in HIS "old when he had a job" salary range are being offered to people with even MORE experience and Masters Degrees. That is the cold hard fact of our economy and job market right now.


Believe me when I say to you "YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR HUSBAND TO LOOSE HIS JOB RIGHT NOW!"


Well, after a long discussion last week about "life"(that was not the most pleasant of my life...although I will proudly admit after 18 years of marriage there is not much yelling anymore, just a lot of disagreeing.) Kyle had a few reminders for me.


Kyle will proudly call himself a "hopeful" person. He believes that, in the end, most things generally work out.


Let's just say I have a much harder time with all that "hope" crap and pretty much like to "see it" to believe it.


I know what you're thinking and you're right, HE (as in my husband)is usually right in the end.


Things, USUALLY, have a way of working themselves out.


So what does all this hope and unemployment talk have to do with infertility.


As Kyle so kindly reminded me in a late night email (sent from the basement computer to my computer upstairs--as he had banished himself to a night on the couch to let me simmer and I had 2 small girls in my bed since they were the only warm bodies I was letting near me for one night!)


The THING he reminded me was about a time 17 years ago, when we had no children and were having a hard time getting a single one here!



We experienced a stillborn son and then 2 miscarriages before we ever had Josh. Talk about devastation (at the time)! Talk about heartbreak! Talk about loss of hope for birthing a living child. If you look at us NOW, however, you would never know that before 4 wonderful children came many moments of doubt, discouragement, and heartbreak.


We wondered if we would EVER hold a child in our arms that was alive and well.


But, you can see by our tall, vibrant, noisy brood that God did work in mysterious way and after years of heartbreak and pain, we were blessed with 4 babies. Alive and kicking!(there were years in between each child that were hard too--but still the babies came!)


So my VERY long winded point to this post is... (the one my husband made to me)

...is that while we cannot SEE or taste or feel the end result (when, where, and how he will find gainful employment) that there are MANY instances in our PAST that should lead us to HAVE HOPE and carry on.


We did not know HOW, or WHEN, or IF children would bless our home. But they did. It took a while, it took Doctors and tests, and medicines to make it happen.


It took many months of ups and downs, heartache and despair, hope and prayers, to make that dream happen.


BUT, it did.


He (my kind, patient, hopeful husband) assures me that just as with infertility, if we persevere long enough and continue forward, our efforts will be blessed and a job will come.


It will come kicking, and screaming, and with much joy into our lives.


And just as with our children, who took a lot of work to get here...the "new job" will be savoured just a little bit more. It will be appreciated, and gratitude will fill our hearts for an opportunity to get up each day and go to work.



For all those who have listened to MY ups and downs, most of all my husband and children, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.


I am grateful for kids who have not complained (literally!) ONE TIME about the sacrifices they have had to make, the things they have given up, during this season of our lives. I keep waiting for a tear, or gripe, about something (ANYTHING!) and it has yet to come.


So, thank you Kyle and Josh and Grace and Eliza and Olivia. My literal, living, breathing examples of what can come from hope not lost.


This post is for all of you.


I love you.


Mom