turn, turn, turn

it is unexpected. for me, sometimes.
that even while in the midst of turmoil,
the days keep turning.
going by.
my breath keeps on coming, in and out.
the seasons changing. summer flows into fall.
nights begin to chill, colors become richer.
the children keep growing.
taller, older, becoming more of who they already are.
and we keep moving.
and going. ever forward.
time marches, refusing to stand still.


turn.


my focus lately seems to be on "surviving", and it weighs
heavily on my mind most days.
as i pay my bills.
as i sort through my food storage.
as i wonder about our future and what each new day will bring.


turn.


as i sat with my mother and sisters yesterday,
while my father lay on a table.
an operating table.
in the hands of capable (we hoped) surgeons.
making idle chatter, our eyes ever watchful on the clock,
waiting for news.
how had it gone?
as i hugged my mother good bye, thinking about the burden
on HER shoulders. for HER to carry HIM.
the weeks that lay ahead. weeks of healing.
the hope that even after the DR. said "all is well"...
it would be.
the hope that my fathers body would be strong.
enough.
to heal, and mend, and regain strength.


then my life turned again.


a new chapter.
this time my eldest. the one that came into this world
weighing just shy of 9 pounds. the one who completed a circle in my life. a circle that started with heartache and sadness, then left me brimming to overflowing, with a sense of joy and being whole.


turn.


a text. from him. to me.
he wanted to ask "her" to Homecoming (a dance? a girl? my SON?) he had to hurry (there were others lining up to ask)
a girl? my son? (holy COW!) then it was done, and now it was his turn to wait for an answer from HER.
it came as a yes! (a girl and my son, i am happy for them)


and i realized that in the midst of it ALL, the worry, or pain, or fear, or difficulties, that life carries on. Blessed, wonderful life! Chock FULL of good things (even WHEN, especially when, there is "bad".) And we carry on with it. for no matter what we are going through, the fact is, we keep going.
forward. moving with the current. changing daily.


i am holding on for the ride.
waiting to see what happens next.


turn.
turn.
turn.