there's an app for that

perhaps one of the more unforgettable moments on 
our trip to NYC occurred one night after we met
our old (as in long time), dear (as in true) friend
scott for dinner.


we ate and talked and caught up on 20 years of life.


we walked the highline trail and sat and talked
some more.


my stomach, which sometimes reacts badly to travel
and different food, was in need of a bathroom.


i must stress the fact that in NYC potties are hard
to come by.  which in and of itself can sometimes
give me stress.


as i expressed my need for a bathroom and the feeling of
sickness that had overcome me, i felt a moment of
panic wondering where we would find a restroom.


this is NYC people.  (you would think bathrooms would
be easier to find.  they are not.)


as if on cue, both scott and kyle pulled from their
pockets (literally at the same second) their I-Phones.


pressing whatever buttons necessary, they pulled up the
NYC app for "restroom".  (which by the way is somehow
GPS enabled and gives you choices within the 
immediate area.) 


Literally.


i was quite amused, as well as relieved, as we descended
the stairs back to street level and immediately found
the necessary place.


turns out i didn't get sick, thank goodness.


but i did learn that there is even an APP for that--


public restrooms in any given city.


just download and you're good to go...


yup, there's an APP for that!


POST SCRIPT:  after all the worry i was
informed by scott "hey it's NYC-you don't
even need a bathroom if you're going to
be sick.  just use a bush--better yet
IT IS NYC just do it in the middle of 
the sidewalk.  that's where everyone
else does."


there is truth in that statement.

without pictures

i've been neglecting my blog.


life has been speeding past me and this is what
has fallen by the wayside.


pictures to come soon.


i was "official" photographer of ron's funeral.


it was bittersweet.  and probably not mine to share--
but the thing that STRUCK me when all was said and
done that day...was after, after tears and talks
and thoughts and things...there was laughter
and life and loving.


i had a voyeuristic view from behind the lens.


i loved watching people smile and hug and share
stories of ron and laugh.


i felt the same as i did on the day of
my fathers funeral.


even in the midst of the heartache, life does go on.


that doesn't mean any of it is easy, don't get me
wrong.  but there is no stopping the forward 
motion of things.


i think his family has been left in good hands, there
are many people that will help take care.


that will step in, that will love and help fill
shoes.


that is a good thing.


NYC was on the schedule again.  kyle went for graduation
from his Columbia Informatics program.  he was part
of the inaugural class.  loved every minute of it--
hard work and all.  he will probably miss the work, but
i KNOW he will miss the trips to the big city.


we fell a little in love with the Big Apple in these
past few years.  it feels a little, almost like home.


met up with a dear old friend.  ate good food. had
alone time for the first time (i think EVER) in our 
20 years of marriage.  it was good.  really, really good.


left the kids at home, the oldest in charge.  the house
was still standing when we returned, and if only the
walls could talk.  i think it all went fine.


returned and packed up again.  grace on to girls
camp adventure and josh and kyle off to "boys" camp.


i have been bumming it with the "Little's".


reality set back in all too quickly, like it always does.


pictures to post soon, i mostly promise.

picking the scab...

Summer has started out with a bang.


Quite literally.


The 17 year old boys blew up an old TV in the backyard.


At 11:30 pm on Saturday night none the less. I yelled
at them really loud. They didn't care.


Then, on monday--the first official day of the summer break,
on their way to the desert to blow up their home made "bomb"
a funny (but oh so not funny) thing happened.


All the boys left with promises of returning alive
and with all their body parts in tact. 


Apparently I was the only mother who knew.  And in case
of police calls, they were all coming to me.  Kyle, who
is much more calm in these situations, was of course,
out of town.


I made the sign of the cross (that always helps in
these situations) and told them I would kill them
if they died. They were pretty worried...not.


One boy returned a short while later.


I texted my son to see why Nate had come back and
was missing out on all the fun. These boys don't 
SKIP opportunities to watch things blow up.


Long story short and many texts and questions later,
he sent me the answer,


"mom, nates dad is dead".


I burst out weeping...and tears have been leaking
out ever since.


Josh's best friend, Nate.  Ron, who was his 2nd dad.


If nate isn't at our house, Josh is at his house.
That's just how it is, and how it has been, for 6 years.


Everyday, all week. And the weekend.  Except for sundays.
And sometimes when they should be in school and aren't.


They are still here.


Nate's dad was 50.  Ron. We vacationed to bear lake with them
in the summers.  We sat at basketball and volleyball
games with Ron for years.  Ron coached Josh's basketball
teams, fed teen boys with "waffle night" at his house.
Ron LOVED the boys in the way only a good dad can. And
the boys LOVED Ron. The boys told me yesterday 
"he wasn't just a regular dad, he was our friend."


Ron always told Josh (and all the boys) he would kick 
his butt if he ever did drugs. (I'm holding him to that, 
and hoping its possible from heaven if need be!) 


Ron had the biggest heart of any man you could hope to meet.


LITERALLY.
  
He would give you the shirt off his back, then 
his pants and a shoe or two if you needed it and 
never ask for it back. Or care if he got it.


Just when the scab is healing, for me, a new one 
is touching way too close to home.  


We are all in shock.


Death has swept in his ugly hand, again, and snatched
away another soul.  Quickly, and without pause, at the
pain he (death) will leave in his wake.


Numbness has set in once again at the way life can change
from one minute to the next.


At 7:15 Monday night, the world was right.  A half an
hour later it had shifted and tilted at an awkward angle.
Throwing us all off yet again.




50 is too young to go and my heart is so sad.  It aches
for all of things that will be missed.  Milestones.
Especially in the coming year for Nate.


The first day of summer break.  The summer before Nate's 
senior year...and his dad is gone.


Josh has been asked to be a pall bearer at the funeral
on Saturday.  Ron was josh's 2nd dad.  Josh DID have
a retake of the ACT scheduled ...but we know which is more
important.


Supporting a friend and taking the test another day.


Rest in Peace Ron, your big heart, laugh and smile
will be greatly missed by us all.  


Till we meet again.  And maybe you could check on my 
dad for me while you're at it.  

 Classic Ron--last summer @ Bear Lake 

in the thick of it with the boys! He ALWAYS

had a smile and something funny to say.

Ron doing what he loved best.  Driving the 

tractor @ Bear Lake.  Here's hoping there are

a few of these to drive around the big city

in the sky Ron!

quote

I recently finished a book and while reading came 
upon this quote, which I loved.  Loved.

"We don't always have a choice how we get to 
know one another. Sometimes, people fall into 
our lives cleanly--as if out of

the sky, or as if there were a direct flight 
from Heaven to Earth--the same sudden way 
we LOSE people, who once seemed they would 
always be a part of our lives."

We need to be grateful for the people in 
our lives, love them.


Cherish them.  


Even the difficult ones.  Learn from them all.


Be grateful they took that direct
flight from 'Heaven to Earth' and found US.


You never know when they will be gone.


They sometimes leave us slowly, and in stages.
They sometimes go suddenly.


You just never know.

The End.

end of year

the school year is almost at an end.


again.


how did that happen so quickly?


we have had volleyball playoffs and final games.


Oly placed 2nd.


dance practices and recitals.


the girls did great.


on a side note:


the "theme" for this years dance recital was


"Oldies but Goodies".


all the music was from the 1980's, circa when i 
graduated from high school.  Say, oh 1985 ish.


does that make me an "oldie but goodie"?


gasp.


we had "end of year sewing class fashion show".


we have had field trips and adventures galore.


the weather has held steady at rain on its best
days and snow on its worst.


we are still waiting for warm weather in utah.


lucky lilacs came and went.


the days are lighter, longer.


i commented to a friend that i find myself more
tired, she told me it just gets worse the older
one gets.


and she should know, she has a good 10 years
on me. :O)


i need to learn to nap, a skill that i have not
yet acquired in this life.


the end of the world was supposed to happen today,
according to one crazy mans prediction.


it appears i am still here, thank goodness!


i was not ready to go yet.


last night my son and his friends drove around 
town warning people with a 6 foot sign on a 14 
passenger van.


(his friends family has about a million kids, give
or take a couple hundred thousand)


they borrowed the van and put a huge sign "THE
END IS NIGH" along the sides.


it gave me a good chuckle when they parked in front
of my house and attracted a crowd.


tonight, they are gathered in my backyard shooting
various items of fruit and vegetation from their
home made potato launcher.


i am awaiting "the angry call" from a neighbor
even as i type.  (there is always one).


end of year, in a nutshell.


more to come.

healing

Because of recent events in my life...

Namely the death of my father and the surgery

on my neck/thyroid tumor...

...the subject of "healing" has been on my mind.

As Easter came and went, it brought more thoughts 
to my already full mind.

Full to over-flowing.  Spilling outward.
Hard to contain.  Some days manifesting as tears.
Other days, a quiet struggle in my mind.

Thoughts of a Savior who died that I might live,
came unbidden to my mind.


That I might live, in more ways than just one.

Thoughts of a love so great that I might be given

the strength to heal when the capacity is not

within my soul to do so alone.

Thoughts of a healing so complete that it encompasses

more than just my body and soul.

Healing.

It has been amazing to me as I've watched my bloodied

and surgically altered neck wound heal.

It went from being held together with steri-strips

and gauze pads to a faint thin scar line that brushes

across my neck.  A quiet mark that is more than

a whisper, but something much less than a scream.

It makes me a little queasy to look at it up 

close and touch the scar tissue that lays underneath,

but it has drawn me in curiously every day to take

a closer peek and watch how it has changed.

Our bodies are AMAZING things.  

It amazes me that they can be altered, cut up, cut

open, sewn back together again and heal.

As if, almost, nothing had ever happened.


I have had friends look and touch and marvel.


As have I.


I have had some tell me that I should cover
and hide and conceal.


This line of thinking has made me pause.


At first, I thought this is how I would feel too.
That I would be self-conscious and prone to
hide.


As the weeks have passed, I am inclined to bear
the scar proudly, and out in the open. It is a 
visible reminder to me of coming through to the
other side. Passing through something that was
hard, and scary, and difficult, at the time
of crossing through.


I like being reminded that challenges can be
overcome.  That we can find the strength within
ourselves to keep going forward. 


If we dig deeply, as we sometimes do.


I like the constant reminder, to myself, that
we can heal and defeat even the
most seemingly challenging trials that may
come our way.

Time is on my side, and everyday the scar looks

a little better.  In a year, I am told I will

REALLY have to look hard to see the incision line.

Death, loss, another kind of scar, or wound, that

I must heal from.

This pain is different, although in some ways 

just the same.

The scar is not visible, but the wound cuts just

as deeply.  Leaving a deep gash on the inside.
One that is not so easy to see. Yet one that
must be healed as well.

It will take time to heal from this bruise to 

my soul. My heart.  My mind.


It's amazing how at times just the littlest things
can cause this wound to bleed and seep.

Healing.

I believe that healing encompasses all the aspects

that surround the very core of who we are as people.

Emotional.

Spiritual.

Mental.

Physical.

Each of these play together, come together, to make

our souls whole.

Each of them must heal for the scars to become thin

faint white lines that splash across...

...Across our bodies, our hearts, our minds and our

souls.

As I search deeply within my being, and marvel at the

ability that we have been blessed with to heal, I

find great comfort.

I look at life through new eyes.

I have gained a new perspective on the future.

The past can shape us, scar us, hurt us, cause us

pain and grief, anguish and heartache, real physical

hurt.  Real physical scarring, both inside and out.

The beauty of this, I believe, is ALSO a gift to us.

Through these things, out of the deepest of heart aches,

we can find the greatest of joys.

Sometimes, oft times, the journey is unbearably painful

and hard...but if...

...If, we can make it to the other side, the joy of

healing, of hearts and bodies made whole again, is

infinitely worth the pain of any journey we must 

travel.

And for those times when we cannot quite do it alone,


heal,


Our brother, and Savior, then steps in for us to 
complete the healing process that we cannot manage
on our own.


Alone.


But together with Him, He can...


...take away the bruise that can make our very
souls ache.


He can take away the bitter,
 and replace it with the sweet.

He can take away the sorry,
 and fill us with joy.


He can heal what we cannot.


He can make up the differences where we fall short.


I am grateful for the scars I proudly bear, both
interior and exterior wounds, that have left me
less than perfect.  This is what makes me human 
and loving and compassionate and caring.  
It gives me eyes to "see" what I could not "see" before.


It gives me heart to "feel" what I could not
"feel" before.


I am grateful for the scars that have shaped 
both my body and soul, and have helped me to 
become who I am.


I am grateful for the bridges I have crossed, the
paths I have traveled, the journeys that have 
have been made.


I am grateful that our bodies have been given 
the ability to heal.  I marvel often at this gift.
And find deep gratitude for it.  


For it gives me hope on days when the crossing
still seems painful, or the tears flow freely, or
my questions have no answers.


So in hope and healing, both inside and out, I marvel
and find the strength in my own journey to continue...


...onward.


Proudly, humbly, quietly, finding solace and comfort
in scars, both healing and unhealed.

And last, but certainly not least...Volleyball

This is Josh's 3rd season playing High
School (club) Volleyball with Olympus High.


Kyle was thrilled to be able to help coach this year.


In years past, Olympus hasn't always had the "best"
team in the valley.  THIS year they seeded 2nd!!


They had some phenomenal players and played some 
super FUN, fast paced games.


My favorite comment of the season was their first
game against Brighton High (who traditionally has
a VERY GOOD volleyball team).


Brighton walked into the gym to play and said (so
that enough of Olympus players and parents could
hear), "Oh its just Olympus. They suck!  This is
gonna be easy!"


Olympus then swept Brighton in a two game blowout!


It has been fun to watch them match up again during 
the season, and Olympus has been a force to be reckoned
with.


I am SO disappointed in my pictures!  Even though I have
a great camera, Volleyball is SUCH a fast paced sport I
need a lens that costs about $1000 to have enough light
and enough speed to capture all the action.


Until then, I caught what I could. (and wept in disgust 
when I looked through the 100's and 100's I took.  ARGH!)


It has been so fun to watch Josh do something he is 
GREAT at.  And loves to do.
He plays middle blocker and can really jump.


He practiced and played all while studying for his
TWO AP tests (History and Calculus) and doing lots
of homework.


Tests completed.  Results in July.  Hopefully passed.


Volleyball down to the last week of playoffs!


GO OLY!